His and Hers
by ImNoGoodWithUsernames
Summary: Bonnie and Kai are together, for better or worse. Follow your favorite witch and warlock as they navigate and evolve in their relationship. Love, friendship and typical shenanigans. This will be a series of drabbles. AU where the wedding fiasco never transpired. Music themed and admittedly OOC. This is my first attempt so be honest with constructive feedback please!
1. Welcome Home

This is my first contribution here so please don't hesitate to throw some feedback this way. I'd more then appreciate it. This has been bouncing around my head for a while now. I really love this pairing and I love this song so I figured why not blend the two! I know it is OOC so I tried to give some good backstory. Let me know what you think. Please Enjoy...without further ado...

* * *

Rating: T

Pairing: Bonnie/ Kai

Song Inspiration: Beautiful Surprise by Tamia

Background: Kai has been away on business in Portland, Bonnie is trying to prepare for his return when he surprises her by coming home early. Fluff ensues.

* * *

Bonnie knew he'd be arriving tomorrow, so she spent the day hurriedly running errands. She went to the bank, got the car washed, got groceries from the local market, and even managed to pick up a few extra goodies before she got back.

What little time wasn't spent running to and fro around town was spent cleaning the apartment and making it look fresh and presentable.

That's not to say she kept a messy home, but it never hurt to freshen things up a bit. After thoroughly cleaning, doing laundry and making sure everything was in its proper place she set out to make a home cooked meal. That tacked yer another hour and a half on to her already exhausting day.

Lots of errands, one clean house and one fabulous meal later she was all but dead. All in all she'd say her day was very productive. Though she more than tired herself out it was all so that she could save time tomorrow. Her husband was coming back from his month long business trip to Portland.

Seeing as Kai was the coven leader it was nothing new for him to travel back and forth between their home in Seattle and his covens head quarters in Portland. Traveling may have been nothing new but the duration was. Typically her spouse was gone no more than a few days at a time, maybe a week or so if things were really pressing, but a month was a first. She had missed him, phone calls and Skype dates sufficed but nothing compared to actually feeling her husband near her. She wanted to tell him as much, but she knew it was hard on him too and didn't want to bring him down with things he couldn't change. She knew he had responsibilities, hell she had her own. She owned her own business and was a powerful witch in her own right. It had been partially Kai's suggestions, but she decided to inject some life back into her coven. Her family was scattered and it took a lot of work just to reach out to lost members. Not all leads followed through, burn after a year she wasn't doing well for herself. Sure it was hard but the Bennet blood line was strong and she quickly realized her name carried major weight. So, yes, she knew being leader came with stresses, but she also knew just how much it meant to him and to her too.

Having spent so long away from his family this was his second chance. It hadnt been easy for him; he was met with staunch disdain in the beginning. But as time went on people started to realize the merge had a profound impact on Kai and he wasn't the same person locked away so many years ago. In fact one of Kai's more positive traits as leader was his transparency. It was through his preference for honesty the truth came out about his upbringing. People knew he was a siphon and the coven didn't look too favorably on that, but once information of the abuse Kai suffered from his father came out people became more empathetic. Much of the negative sentiment directed at Kai was redirected towards Joshua Parker. The Gemini coven had their (serious) faults but they could understand how years of emotional and physical abuse contributed to Kai's mental illness and aggressive nature. Perhaps if there had been loving support and even therapy from the onset he could have lived a healthy, happy, less murderous, and not so fratricidal, life. The coven was understanding; they were coming around, but they still kept their distance. Empathy went a decent way, but ton took more than empathy to bring people around. Especially after you murdered your a siblings. Still, it was a start, it was progress.

Now all she had to do was get some shut eye, prepare the rest of the meal tomorrow and make herself pretty to pick him up from the airport.

5:45 pm

She made sure to circle it and set countless alarms. She didn't want a repeat of last time where she showed up a full 12 hours before she was supposed to. "PM" she reminded herself over and over again. She could feel the tiredness in her bones, weariness so deep it made her legs feel immobile. She managed a short shower then trudged back into her bedroom and all but lept into bed. Not falling asleep against the glass door had been a tremendous struggle, but she persevered. She knew the sooner she got to sleep the sooner tomorrow would come. She fell asleep to the thought of running into her husbands arms.

Hours passed and she slept soundly. Dreams danced on her periphery, fading in and out. She settled into a new dream and as she slept she dreamt of strong arms encircling her waist. The dream was so immersive, not only could she feel the presence behind her she could smell it too.

It smelled...familiar..

..like...old leather and campfires.

It was strong, she loved this scent. The feel of it was soft

...and hard?

And smooth...but bumpy?

Her brow furrowed in confusion. She grabbed tighter to the object to understand what it was, somewhere in the distance she heard a chuckle and felt rumbling against her back. This dream was different, she couldn't place it but she felt almost as if it was real...a premonition maybe?

An omen?

Was someone going to hurt her?

The presence was large but it wasn't intimidating, quite the opposite in fact. She choose to settle back further. The dream liked this and the pressure around her waist squeezed tighter. She smiled to herself.

A short while later the presence shifted, got looser. She began to squirm.

"Shhhh"

She felt cool air across the tops of her ears. She didn't want the dream to be over, so she scooted closer to the retreating form, but then it was gone. She felt empty. She was upset, but alas, all dreams must end. Soon she was back in the dreamless sleep she felt prior to... whatever it was she just had.

It could have been seconds, minutes or even hours later when she heard movement. She couldn't tell as she came out of her sleepy haze. She tried to focus on the distant sounds.

Night noises? The city was full of them. She loved their penthouse but it did overlook the bustling downtown.

Was it cat outside in the alleyway? The city had it's own soundscape, but this wasn't the usual cacophony of horns and street noises.

Was it something more?

She was attentive. More noise, noise like shuffling? It sounded close. 'Great' she thought. Normally aged have Kai go check it out, but alas he was off in another state. She'd have to be a big girl and check it out on her own.

Bonnie knew she could defend herself, that wasn't the issue. The issue was she needed sleep to be able to get up for tomorrow, she didn't need some dumb ass intruder, robber or worse trying to fuck up the the apartment she worked hours to clean. She prepared herself, tiptoeing down the hall and past the office, down the stairs and into the kitchen.

She saw an outline in the living room.

'Fuck' she thought, definitely not night noises.

She crept silently closer, a spell poised at the tip of her tongue ready to slice through the air to whatever idiot decided to try and catch her unawares. What were they doing?

"Motus" she spoke and the figure went flying across the room. 'So much for the clean apartment' she thought watching him crash into the wall. As she approached the figure groaned and turned over clutching at its sides. She aimed another spell when she heard it speak

"that's not a very nice way to welcome your hubby home now is it?"

Her eyes grew wide, "luxa" she said and the lights magically came to life

"hi sweetheart, I missed you"

She was speechless.

"Now I know I'm particularly gorgeous and you haven't seen this mug in a while, but maybe we can continue this sexy stare down after you help me up?"

She couldn't move. His face turned from one of mirth to reflect his growing concern "...babe..are you okay? You didn't hurt me I prom-" he was cut off by her jumping into him. He collapsed to the floor. "Aaaahhhhh!" she practically screamed, her words came out jumbled as she peppered his face with kisses. Though unclear, he could make out some of what she was saying

"-love you"

*kiss*

"so much"

*kiss*

"missed you-"

*kiss*

" - away so long"

'A guy could get used to this' he thought smiling wide as she cradled his jaw. Kisses and more kisses; then a smack, sharp and well aimed. Magical. Light enough to be playful but firm enough to smart for a couple of seconds.

"You scared me!"

He nursed the spot before replying "well seeing as you threw me clear across the room I'd call us even." He sighed loudly and continued "your attacks are getting better, all that coven connecting in my abscence is paying off, did Lucy teach you that?"

Her frown melted away, giving way to her beaming smile. She stared at him, reacquainting herself with the beauty of his face. She thought of the month they spent apart, suddenly her face screwed up and she began to cry.

"Bonnie what's- "

She cut him off again "I missed you so much!" She cried jumping forward into his arms. She was hit with a wave of the same overwhelming comfort from earlier in her bed. The smell of campfire and rich oak, the same comforting touch. She pulled back from the circle of his arms

"upstairs, earlier..my dream...you...you were there?" the confusion played out on her face and gave way to realization "you were really were there!" his wide smile turned sheepish as he looked away. "Yea well I got back and wanted to surprise you, but you looked so cute and sleepy with your matching pajamas on and your bonnet. I couldn't bring myself to wake you, I decided cuddling would be better than waking you up" he admitted. Suddenly her eyes grew wide and she squealed. She had completely forgotten about the clumsy bonnet atop her head. She reached to snatch it off when his hand came out to stop her "don't, I think it's cute" he said as he held her hand in place " plus you'll just have to put it back on anyway" he had a point there.

She cuddled up closer to him, purring as she wrapped her arms around him and fit her face into the crook of his arm "mmmmm, happy" she mumbled into his armpit

"I'm glad my pits make you smile, I've been trying a new deodorant and it really-"

"Shut up" she smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"You know, Bon I do love kissing you, but if you keep on cutting me off I'm gonna think you're trying to tell me something..." he trailed off feigning insult.

"Took you this long to figure out?" She laughed and nudged him in the chest. He touched his hand to his chest in mock hurt "Bonster, you can't mean that?"

She kissed him again and he kissed her back just as sweetly. "How about I get you too bed" she nodded and turned towards the stairs, the excitement of having him home was quickly giving way to the cloying tiredness she felt. He held onto her arm "allow me" he spoke sofltly and before she could ask what he meant he had not-so gracefully picked her up and was carrying her towards their room.

Before long they arrived and he kissed her forehead as he distributed her on the bed. He slowly peeled off his pants and kneeled onto the bed. He laid his body on top of her and smiled into her mouth savoring the feeling of his skin in hers. She shivered before whimpering "Please babe, not tonight, I'm not ready, I'm just so tired" he ran his fingers up and down her arms lovingly, he hadn't meant to make her think he wanted to jump into _that_ straight away. He wasn't a fiend, he just wanted to be near her "how about I just hold you?" She nodded as she rolled onto her side offering her back to him "I'd like that."

"Guess that makes me the big spoon" he said chuckling and getting under the covers. His voice rang comically, but he loved cradling her, loved that she trusted him enough to be completely at ease and engulfed by him. He loved her. His Bonnie.

They repositioned so that he was behind her and she snuggled back into him comfortably. He had his arms around her waist, his knees behind hers and his chin on her shoulder tucked in the crook of her neck. She smelled warm and familiar; they were content this way.

"Tell me about your trip" she mumbled. It was four am, he was surprised she could keep up so well, though he knew it wouldn't last much longer.

"Well as you now know I caught an early flight, the plan was to surprise you, but the flight got delayed so instead of arriving here at eight last night I didn't touch down until after one. So after waiting close to forever for baggage and catching a taxi I didn't get here until like three thirty. I could have teleported, but the luggage would have taken two trips, I'm a risk taker myself but airports aren't exactly the place to flex my magical prowess if you know what I mean" he wiggles his fingers in the air as he said it.

She was mumbling incoherently now. He smiled, she looked so beautiful and felt so _right_ here in his arms. He was happy in this moment; the trip had been stressful, but he was home now. He nestled in close to her, she may not have gotten to deliver the reception she intended, but tomorrow would still come. They could spend all day lazing in bed and making up for lost time. Nothing mattered right now, with him wrapped around her all was right. She faded back into him knowing this time it wasn't a dream.


	2. Why Not Give it a Try?

Rating: T

Pairing: Bonnie/ Kai + Bonnie/ Caroline (friendship)

Song: TBD (suggestions?)

Background: Since when did Caroline become a fan of Kai? At first she was on Bonnie's side, but suddenly she wants Bonnie to actually talk to him. So much for sisterhood. Bonnie has to decide if she wants to confront Kai or ignore him altogether. Caroline is incourageable and unwavering. What will Bonnie choose? Take her friends suggestions or keep up with her silent treatment...

* * *

It had been Carolines suggestion and Bonnie immediately tried to shut it down. In retrospect she should have never let Caroline convince her; that's why she was in this mess now. Caroline was pushing Bonnie to give Kai a chance, she'd seen him around always asking about Bonnie, always wondering how she was doing. At first she told him to piss off, he'd caused Bonnie enough pain and misery, but slowly he'd somehow worked his way into her heart. Wormed was more like it.

Caroline was a sucker for romance and she had it in her head Kai had a crush on Bonnie. Go figure. Once Caroline had an idea planted it took root like a weed soon enough Caroline couldn't help but to root for him. He was the underdog and he was so cute! She tried to ignore it, so she claimed, but the whole thing was just so adorable. No matter how hard Bonnie rolled her eyes or gagged at the mention of his name Caroline persisted.

"Just like tell him thank you, you don't even have to say two words, just say 'thanks' and that's it! Then you can be on your way, but the guys _dying_ to talk to you. He just wants to say he's sorry, to grovel at your feet! Plus you at least owe him a thank you, dont you think, Bonnie?"

She supposed Caroline wasn't being entirely unreasonable, since the news it was Kai who helped Jeremy get to her on her birthday Bonnie had been conflicted. Sure she was grateful, but he was the one who terrorized her in the fire the place, left her there to rot. She grumbled, maybe some slight thanks were in order, maybe Caroline knew what she was talking about and even if she didn't the thought of him groveling and begging did sound nice. "Fine. I'll do it, but only because I'm partial to the idea of him begging down on his knees" Caroline responded with a look, she arched her eyebrow and began to smirk. "Don't" Bonnie started, but it was too late. "Why Miss Bennett if I didn't know any better I'd say you like this boy!" She drawled it out with a faux southern accent. After they laughed Caroline looked sincere "seriously Bonnie, people do change. I'd never tell you to forgive him if I thought he'd still hurt you. I know you had awful experiences with him, but is he that same person? After all look at Damon. Who'd have thought he'd be one of your besties" She was right and Bonnie knew it. Not ready to address that can of worms all Bonnie could do was roll her eyes and hit Caroline with a pillow. A pillow fight ensued. They spent the rest of the night bonding and planning how the reunion with Kai would go. By the end of the night Caroline, in true Caroline fashion, had it all planned out. She picked the day, the place and the time, all Bonnie had to do was go.

* * *

So she went, Caroline said she'd accompany for support, but Bonnie flexed her fingers and made Carolines hair levitate reminding her vampire bestie that she was still a witch and she could hold her own. Plus if Kai really just wanted to grovel she wouldn't need back up. Still, she appreciated Caroline's support none the less. Bonnie told Damon to pass the message to Kai that she was willing to accept his offer. She carefully forgot to mention it had been Caroline's idea. He was to tell Kai she'd meet him at the occult bookstore that Friday at 5.

So she went and she waited...and she waited...and waited. 30 minutes passed their scheduled meeting time Kai ran up to her red faced and huffing. "S-sorry I-" he was working to catch his breath "got caught up in something im-portant" he finished.

"Yea...well that's nice for you. Anyway...this won't take long. You're lucky I have genuine shopping to do here otherwise I would have left 20 minutes ago. I still have to get some books and this is the only magical supply shop in town so you can follow me around I guess ...if you want" she was hoping he'd get whatever he needed to say out and leave her be.

That wasn't the case.

"Sure" he said excitedly and made to follow her. It wasn't lost on Bonnie how red he'd been as he looked at her. He said it was because of some situation, and sure he was huffing and puffing, but she suspected it had something to do with his new found modesty she'd been hearing so much about. She began browsing shelves when he piped up

"how have you been, Bonnie? Good I hope.."

She didn't respond.

"Me? I've been alright, lots of changes going on, but what's life without a little spice? Gets boring when things stay the same..."

She continued to browse the shelves.

"Yes well I suppose I didn't ask to speak with you about my life" he paused to clear his throat. She shifted her body to focus on him now.

"Bonnie, I-" he paused looking into her eyes; seeming to have lost his nerve. She returned his gaze quizzically, raising her eyebrows and leaning in with her head to prompt him "You...?"

"Yes, sorry, I um, I've been going over this in my head for months now, but I wasn't sure you'd ever really agree. To be honest when Damon told me you wanted to meet here I thought it was a set up...when I actually saw you I wanted to bail. Not that I would have!" He quickly added. "The... the reason I wanted to meet you" he closed his eyes and looked as if in deep concentration, his eyebrows pulled tight together in the center of his forehead; he exhaled and continued on"...was so I could apologize. I know that doesn't carry much weight and I know I can never take back all the horrible, evil, vile things I've done to you, but for what it's worth...I'm sorry. I am changing a lot and sometimes that scares me, I'm not used to this...guilt and regret. I'm trying to deal with it in a productive way and I read that apologizing and confronting your mistakes is a step towards growing and changing. I know you're busy and have a lot to do so I won't keep you. Truly, I am sorry for hurting you and thank you for allowing me to apologize."

When he finished he looked as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders. She stared at him, weighing his words, sorting through them all. He began to shift under her gaze and she decided she liked making him squirm, so she stayed silent a few moments more. When it looked like he was going to explode she spoke "So is that what I am to you, Kai? A mistake?" She said his name so sharply he touched his cheek afraid he'd been cut.

"No, I didn't- I didn't mean it like that, I only meant that I-"

"You thought you'd come here, apologize to me, and I'd forgive you for stabbing me then we could be buds right? Hang out? Go to quizzo at the bar? Is that it?"

"No! I just- I"

" I-I- " she mocked his confusion "you just WHAT, Kai? What is it you want from me? Haven't I given you ENOUGH? What do you want from me?"

" I...don't know" he supplied.

"Oh, _Bull. Shit. Y_ ou're not stupid Kai, you know exactly what you want. You always have, you always do. Tell me, what did you imagine best case scenario? You said you've been practicing this for months? Didn't you anticipate my response? Don't tell me all these new emotions and you're still as selfish as before?"

"No, I imagined your response" he spoke so softly now. Sometime during her retort his gaze shifted to the floor. "I imagined all sorts of possible responses, even this one." He admitted the last part almost sadly "I guess I imagined you'd say thank you then never speak to me again..."

"Is that what you wanted?"

He let out a scoff that echoed like a laugh.

"No. I know it'll never happen and I know it's ridiculous, but I kind of hoped we could be cool. Not friends of course, I'd never been that ridiculous...just like.. _cordial_. Especially since I'm here so often now..." he trailed off.

She was going to respond when a stranger approached from his rear. She was an older woman who had a slight limp and was carrying what looked to be an empty shopping bag. The woman slowly approached and tapped Kai so that he turned towards her.

"It is you!" The woman's face lit up. "I am sorry to interrupt" she looked at Bonnie as if to ask for permission to continue, Bonnie smiled and shook her head "Young man, you ran off before I could say anything, but I wanted to thank you for carrying my bags for me. I am getting older and I guess I don't like to admit I need help sometimes. I only had a few returns and thought I could carry everything at once. I thought I would cry when you offered to help. Truth be told I was probably a second a way from falling down those stairs and busting my tuckus when you caught up to me. You didn't have to go out of your way like that. It really meant a lot to me and I just wanted to say thank you."

Kai was sheepish, his face was an even brighter shade of red than when Bonnie first saw him. The woman turned her attention to Bonnie now "Your boyfriend is a real catch, you're lucky to have him."

He sputtered "oh no, I'm not, I mean she's not-" but Bonnie cut him off "I suppose so, I'm learning more about him every day." She said staring in his eyes before turning back to the older woman "God bless, ma'am, have a wonderful day."

The woman smiled and winked. "Bless you too, dears, enjoy your date" and she left as quickly as she came.

"So...you were late because you helped carry a little old ladies bags? Wow...you really have changed..." her face furrowed in thought as Kai explained himself. She was paying him no mind, however as she replayed Caroline's earlier words in her mind. Bonnie made an executive decision that moment. She wasn't sure if it was worth and and she was 98% convinced she'd come to regret it, but she'd been through a hell of a lot in her short life and for once she wanted something to be on her own terms. She wanted to go against her norm and not be so predictable. She was surrounded by despicable people all the time. Reformed villains who decided to be better, hell all of her friends where evil if you asked the right people. She decided to shock herself.

"You know what, Kai?"

He looked so glum again. As if he expected her to lay into him and tell him off for the final time.

"Let's do it, let's be cordial. Better yet, let's start over. No Kai I know would have done what that woman claimed so I'm willing to try if are."

He looked like he was going to shit a keg. Kai looked down to her outstretched hand and back up to her face. From the way he was looking at her she thought he might do a technicolor yawn all over her shoes, but he continued to look bloated and strange. She was getting tired of it, she waved her outstretched hand in front of his face "Kai? Kai? Earth to Kai? Come in this is star command, paging leader Parker, do you copy?" She pretended her hand was a walkie talkie as she spoke.

He was stuck, unmoving and silent; she was worried now. Maybe she should have never accepted his apology and just walked off, she worried she broke him...

He burst out of nowhere somehow collecting himself enough to form words "YES!" The force of his words startled her and she stepped back. It wasn't quite a complete sentence, but at least it was coherent.

"I'd love that! I would be so-" he took a moment to regain composure and calm down. He didn't wanna scare her off 10 seconds after she agreed to start over, so he let out a breath. "I think I'd really appreciate that, Bonnie." And for the first time in a long time, Bonnie felt in control of her life.


	3. Catch Me I'm Falling

Rating: T

Character: Kai

Song: Control by Halsey

Background: Sometimes Kai thinks he won the merge other times he's sure he lost. He isn't sure how much of him remains and how much of Luke took over, does he even want to be like his old self? He misses the familiarity, the ease, but he's not sure he cares for more than that.

* * *

Kai wasn't always the patient and charismatic leader, sometimes he was the bitter and jaded fool. At least that's how he felt.

The merge had certainly changed him, no one could argue that. In fact soon after the merge with his brother he was so overwhelmed with his newfound emotions he disappeared for a month. He needed time away from everything to learn to process his emotions, more than that, to process his GUILT. For someone completely unaccustomed to having emotions Kai felt consumed, like he would ignite. Of everything he had to process it was guilt that ate at him the fastest, dug deep down and corroded him from the inside out. He felt like a spoiled old battery.

* * *

He knew, as a general concept, that winning the merge meant more than becoming an all powerful leader, after all it was a _merge_ , you became one with your sibling. Luke was a part of him now and that part occupied a larger space than Kai had anticipated. The sheer weight of how much he felt was almost unbearable. It took all of him to come out of it without giving in to the depth of his sadness. He was no stranger to suicide, 1994 had seen him off himself in every conceivable way. He did it for fun as much as out of desperation. The days didn't reset out here, he couldn't blow his brains out and wake up mere hours later.

Somehow he overcame, all of the anger, all of the pain and frustration, all of the guilt and regret and all of the mourning. So much mourning. He mourned the siblings he murdered, he mourned the brother he killed, the one now part of him, he mourned the family he broke and then finally he mourned himself. He mourned the self he knew, the one who died in the merge, he mourned the time he lost locked away for so long and he mourned the person he might have been if his past never happened. If his family had loved him.

* * *

But now, now he felt like he was back where he began, he felt like he did for the better portion of his life.

Numb, angry, violent.

The disquiet churned inside him. He used to think both of them died that day. Him and Luke both were destroyed to make an entirely new person, it was only Kai's body that won. Then ther were other times he could distinctly feel the two of them separately; times when he felt the merge was just that, a merge, it didn't delete, it blended, he was still in there and that's what hurt the most. Knowing without a shadow of a doubt all the anger, hatred, and ugliness he felt was his truest self. He wasn't a better person, that was Luke. He got scared when it got like this, when hidden thoughts crept up on him. When he wanted to scream, to destroy.

To hurt her.

Thoughts of her terrified him most of all. They hadn't even fought, he just felt the deepest need to control...to manipulate. He feared she'd leave and he wanted to force her to stay, remind her of consequence, of penance. He wanted to be punitive for the sake of being punitive. She was too bright sometimes, he wanted to take his hands and snuff her out, smother her and dull her shine until she was faded and gray.

Sometimes he wanted to scare her, turn all the lights off and wait until she got home. She'd be calling out to him and he'd be hiding. As her panic rose and she searched the house he'd leap out at her, grab her by the chin, maybe the neck, press her hard against the wall. He'd get in her face, run his nose along the apples of her cheeks, just like he did in 1994. He'd let his eyes dance with her and ask her if she remembered him, who he really was, had she missed him? Missed their games of cat and mouse? Missed the chase? He certainly had, he liked games. And he always won. Always. He'd see the fear in her eyes and relish in it. Now she was seeing him. Did she still love him? Even like this?

No she didn't, she couldn't. She loved Luke. Not him, no one loved him, no one could. He was hearing the voices now, not voices, memories.

 _Freak_

 _Siphon_

 _Abomination_

 _Worthless_

 _Abhorrent_

He hated it, hated himself. She made him like this.

He shook the thought from his head, no, it wasn't her, it was him, he was always like this. Always had been. This is who he was.

Did she see it? Did she know? The way his eyes cut away from her too quickly? The way his hands gripped his knife too tight at dinner? The way his eyes squinted and his heart raced?

Of course she did, he knew she knew and for the life of him he could NOT understand why she stayed, why she didn't run. Sometimes he wanted to tell her to, take her by the shoulders and tell her to go away, run as far as she could, not look back. But he was afraid, he didn't know which fear was greater, the fear he'd hurt her or the fear she'd really leave him. Rejected, all alone. He was used to rejection from those closest to him, had the scars to prove it. He didn't want her to be one of the ones who left. He was selfish, she was better off away from him, wasn't she? The thoughts were consuming so he tuned them out. Well he tried to. Ignoring his thoughts didn't make them leave, but he was unsure of how to confront them.

So he did what he normally did and distracted himself. Distraction for him usually entailed smashing things, organized chaos, deliberate destruction. He needed to isolate himself, there was nothing in the apartment he could smash, at least nothing that wouldn't be missed.

Fortunately for Kai he had his own magic now. He could generate new planes in time and space. It was a neat spell, like the prison world, but...smaller. A pocket dimension of sorts. The first time he tried it he got spooked, the plane looked a little too realistic and he worried he wouldn't be able to get back. It was a little _too_ reminiscent of the prison world. So the next time he attempted the spell he made sure to make it appear as synthetic as it really was. Instead of grass and forest he made it sleek with paneled walls and glass. It looked more like a scene out of Tron. He also made sure to add a clearly labeled bright red exit sign against the wall. It served as an immediate off switch. Unfortunately the spell required a decent amount of power and he was already feeling drained. Lucky for him he could always teleport to the middle of an abandoned field or junkyard to flex his frustrations.

Today was a junkyard kind of day.

Empty fields were for mindfulness and reflection, right now he wanted to get out of his mind, escape his own head. Honestly? He wanted to smash shit up, see it burn, see it disintegrate and know he caused it.

The way he figured he wasn't actually **hurting** anything. Sure, he was breaking and entering, but it was just _junk_ , he wasn't destroying property or hurting anyone. He'd been caught a few times, but it was nothing his heretic nature couldn't take care of. When he didn't feel like using memory spells he used his enhanced powers of _persuasion_. In general he didn't enjoy compelling people, but it was either that or go to jail for trespassing. Of course he could always murder whoever it was that found him, but his appetite for violence was hampered by the guilt he'd knew would inevitably come. Did they have a family?

People who depended on them?

Were they a good person?

Maybe they were important...

This was the new Kai.

The old Kai wouldn't have cared, he'd snap a strangers neck and lick the blood off his fingers, he'd probably be doing the shmuck a favor. There was no pesky conscience, no niggling emotions to deal with. It was all about him.

But even more than he feared guilt he feared Bonnie. What would Bonnie think? If she found out he killed a stranger, someone just doing their job...a victim of his circumstance. She'd never forgive him, never look at him the same. Sure he was still a murderer, his job practically demanded it, but now he was killing actual enemies. People and entities who threatened his coven, his family, his wife.

Bonnie's hands weren't clean either, they'd seen their share of blood, but never innocents. Bonnie only killed righteously. Kai supposed that made him righteous by association. Much as he'd like to murder everyone who got on his nerves, now it was enough to take out the occasional demon spawn or crazed vampire.

Part of him wanted to be constructive, to go to her, communicate. Tell her he was scared and needed support, needed her to remind him she really did love HIM. The vulnerability turned him off. He was a leader, the leader of one of the worlds oldest and most powerful covens. He didn't want to be weak...to grovel at her knees and tell her he needed her. He could go to her later, when he wasn't so edgy and volatile. To get that out of his system he needed to _get it_ _out_ of his system. Better on junk than on Bonnie, the thought made his stomach lurch.

So destruction would have to suffice.


	4. From the Ashes

Rating: M

Pairing: Bonnie/ Kai

Song: Sunny Came Home by Shawn Colvin

Background: Bonnie comes home with good news, but Kai isn't in the mood for good news. He is reeling from an earlier encounter and just wants to be left alone or is that really the case? Kai wants Bonnie's support, but doesn't know how to ask for it. Will communication break them apart or bring them together? Think if this as a part two to "Catch Me, I'm Falling"

AN: This kind of just came to me, I was trying to figure out how to/ if I should add it into the story or if it would be redundant, originally I had wanted to do a bunch of song inspired drabbles, but I feel the desire to just kind of turn this into a story instead. Anyway, thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate hearing from you guys even if it's just a quick about what you liked or what could be better. I'm sorry for all the typos, I need to do a better job editing, that's my bad. Without further ado...

* * *

When Bonnie got home she was eager to share with Kai all that had happened at her coven meeting. She had told Lucy to get the word out, but she couldn't have imagined such a positive response! She was expecting maybe five, eight, even ten people IF she was lucky, when _**40**_ people showed up she was elated. She was in such a good mood she took her time shedding her jacket and settling into the feel of being home. She was so focused on sharing her good news it took her a few moments to notice something was off about the place...The lights were off? And his aura felt...muted?

"Kai?" She called out, was he alright? It was strange for him to be sitting alone in the dark. Even when he was tired he usually tried to wait up for her or at least leave the light on for her. "Hello? Kai, I'm back, are you here?" A stupid question, of course he was home she could feel him no matter how faint. Was he watching a movie? She didn't hear any noise from the living room, maybe he had headphones in. As she approached the kitchen and turned on the light she found him sitting at the bar, how strange. "I know vampires are supposed to like being spooky, but sitting in the dark like this is a little much don't you think? Very Nosferatu" she thought that would get her a laugh, a scoff, even a smirk, something instead of whatever he was doing. "Kai, is everything alright? You know if you lost your daylight ring it only matters in sunlight, halogen bulbs don't count"

Nothing, no response.

"Okay seriously Kai, what's up? I've been back 10 minutes, I find you here in the dark and you won't say a word to me, please did something happen?"

It felt like minutes passed before he responded "I suspect everything went well with Lucy today? How was the turnout?"

Ahhh, avoidance. Not her favorite quirk of his, but not his worst. In the past she let him come to her on his own time, usually it was some minor annoyance. The coven was being demanding, he needed help dealing with a situation, not anything catastrophic. This time she got the sense something deeper was going on, Kai liked to pretend he was an enigma, but she knew him too well, this time was different. "Kai? Please talk to me, tell me what's wrong?"

* * *

She was so sincere his chest hurt. He had the overwhelming need to clutch at it, but he resisted. He'd been sitting there for hours before she returned, time had escaped him, but now she was back and she wanted to know why he was so brooding. Had he been hanging out with Stefan? He meant to get up and go to bed long ago, he should have ported up to their bed the minute he heard her key in the lock, or her footsteps in the foyer, or her voice in the hall, but he couldn't move. He felt attached to the seat, try as he might he just couldn't life his feet. She was concerned about him now, she watched as he sat. He couldn't blame her, she'd unintentionally caught him having a Depression Session™ and he didn't know how she'd react. He thought maybe if he shifted focus, asked about her she would take the bait. It didn't work, his lover was clever. She knew him better than he gave her credit for, damn it.

"who? Me? Oh I'm fine, nothing wrong here..."

"Oh, so I suppose there's no reason you're ignoring me then?" He looked at her as if to prove he wasn't ignoring her "look Bonnie I'm really tired and if all you want to do is ask me ridiculous questions I'm going to go to bed."

She crossed her arms over her chest then shrugged "I don't want to ask you ridiculous questions, I was actually excited to share with you some good news, but you don't seem too keen on listening, I'm just trying to figure out why, what gives?" He didn't want to get into this so she tried to deflect "Well I'm sorry I don't care about your little story, Bonnie I didn't realize that was a crime."

Why was he doing this, all he had to do was say he was tired, get up, and go to bed. He could have just bs'd a story about having a long day, why was he being so mean?

She clenched her jaw in response "so go to bed then, you're just sitting here like some weirdo freak not speaking or anything" as soon as the words left her mouth she wished she chose a different word, but it was too late, she could practically see the word freak ringing in his ears. "Well this weirdo _freak_ was trying to mind his own business is his own home. Who cares if the lights are out? I pay the electric bill, maybe I want to be more frugal, ever think of that?" His calm voice belied the hurt he felt and it unnerved her.

"What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?"

"Acting like what?" He said casually.

"Like you don't care, like you can't be bothered, like we aren't in the middle of an argument"

"Im not in the middle of an argument, arguing is what **you're** doing, you're in the middle of an argument...I'm just sitting here"

"Exactly, _just sitting there_ , whether or not you choose to acknowledge it or not this **IS** an argument and it is between **US** "

He continued to sit silently, seemingly unfazed by her pacing. She was fixedly staring at him, while he stared at the clock on the wall "What's so concerning about the clock? We've been sitting here for 20 mins and we can sit here for the rest of the night, _but_ _we are going to talk._ " She was only met with his vacant stare.

"Seriously what is your damage?"

"I told you _nothing_ is wrong! Can't you just drop it? Geez maybe I just want to enjoy some time to myself and be left the hell alone!" He slammed his fist on the counter and a glass shattered. Bonnie barely flinched before she responded firmly "There it is! I knew you could speak!"

That was all it took to get him started "What the hell do you want to know, Bonnie? What do you want me to say? You want me to tell you I'm sorry? Listen to your story about your day? Hold your damn hand? Well I don't fucking feel like it! I don't want to fucking talk! Is that alright? Is that okay with you? Should I have checked in first? Do I have your god damn permission to sit here?!"

"You can do whatever you want, Kai I just want to know why" now she was the one to speak with an eerie calm.

He stood up now "you're not getting it! **I. DONT. WANT. TO. TALK.** How is that a difficult concept to grasp?!" As he yelled the cabinets fell off the hinges and plates broke into pieces, he wanted the room to be as chaotic as he felt. Bonnie didn't understand, she couldn't. He was a bad person, he'd been at the junk yard smashing shit all day and it was no good. Half way through the guard had caught him and before he could think he launched the man clear across the yard, shot him almost 50 feet. Kai was mortified and instantly knew he'd messed up, he rushed over to the man who had quite miraculously landed on an old mattress, but was unconscious. He muttered a few healing spells to correct whatever had been done then compelled him to forget he'd even seen him there. After that he came back and sat. How could he tell her? She'd want to know why he was even there in the first place, what could he say? 'Well I wanna hurt you, but that's bad so I have to go smash old cars instead' that wasn't realistic. He had hurt someone, what would she say? She'd probably have rather he hurt her than some old junk man, that was how she was, selfless to a fault. He knew he had to make her leave, this couldn't continue. Suddenly his gaze turned sinister, his next words were calculated and aimed to sting "You ever think the problem is _you_? Maybe _you_ are the one I don't want to talk to? Maybe I can't share myself with _you_ because you're always such a _judgmental_ person." He knew she hated being called judgemental, he reminded himself to thank Damon for that. "Maybe this is _your fault_ because of your character flaws."

She took a step back, he was happy and scared, maybe she'd keep walking. Walk all the way down the hall, to the front door then out, leave without turning back. He thought it was what he wanted. He was surprised when she laughed "You know if you wanted to hurt me you could just use magic or better yet go ahead and hit me, y'know _really_ get your hands dirty. Isn't that what you want Kai? Why you're saying this? To hurt me? To be plain I'd rather you twisted my arm or smacked me, this is honestly beneath you. The mind games are no good." What was wrong with her? She she was SUPPOSED to be running, yelling, anything, not this.

" **Get. Out.** " This was his last ditch effort, if she wouldn't take hints and subtlety he'd be direct. He got up, if she wanted to see what he could do he'd show her. He stood perfectly straight and stared at her, she glared back just as hard. He was silent, but the house was filled with violent noise. The lights blew out, dishes flew and landed making contact with the wall, cabinets and shelves broke, food flew in every direction but she never broke eye contact. " **GET. OUT**!" The pitch of his magic rose higher and higher into a frantic whine until he thought his ears would bleed, still she stared at him seemingly bored of his tantrum. He was screaming now, but it didn't make any difference. He broke the windows and slammed every door until all that could be heard was a horrific cacophony of pure chaos. His voice was drowning in the may lay; suddenly he let it stop, things dropped in mid air, they crashed to the debris on the floor and then there was silence. " _Why are you still here?_ " He was shaking, whether it was pure fury or something else he didn't know, he stalked towards her like a predator but she remained seated, looking bored by all of it. He rose his voice and asked her again " _Well_?!" He was aflame, so wired that every nerve in his body was brimming, his body threatened to tear in two. All of him wanted her to leave and all of him needed her to stay. His question still rang through the air his voice reverberated through the walls and threatened to send off another shock wave of destruction.

She stared at him intently, it was as though she saw straight through him, her stare threatened to break him and as the next words left her lips he knew he was shattering.

She simply shrugged "Because, Kai. I trust you"

No malice, no anger, just truth. Kai felt lower than dirt, like he was in hell. He couldn't believe nor understand Bonnie. He'd just treated her like shit, ignored her when she tried to reach him and gave her the hardest time just for wanting to speak to him. For genuinely caring. What was wrong with him? He treated Bonnie horribly and then at the height of his anger, when he was behaving like some petulant child, being a monster, destroying things because he hadn't gotten his way she undid him. She didn't even need to raise her voice or stoop to his level, she just was honest with him. He didn't deserve her, truly he didn't. Here he was abusing her and she responded with love. She trusted him. Why? How? Didn't she know him? Couldn't she see? He tried so hard to show her, make her see he wasn't worth it, that she was better off without him. That's what this whole tirade had been about, he needed to scare her off, make her leave. It was only a matter of time, he wanted to stop delaying the inevitable and make that decision for her. It had backfired though, she had watched his mighty attempt and was unfazed.

Worse yet she didn't care, she reached into his core and spoke his truth, he wouldn't hurt her. He knew it, she knew it and he knew she knew it. "You think you're with an obtuse idiot? You think I don't see? I know how you are Kai, it doesn't matter to me. You want to know the truth? **Your** truth since your so hellbent on hiding it? _You won't hurt me_ , you never will intentionally. Not again. You don't even really want to, you just THINK you do, you just don't want me to reject you, you think I'll leave so you want me to do it on your terms, but look at me, _I'm here_." she gestured to her body rooted to the floo. "If you wanted to hurt me _you would_ , you're no stranger to causing me pain." He winced at that, she was right, it still stung " _newsflash,_ Kai you've fucking **_stabbed_** me, **_choked_** me, left me for _**dead**_ , **you tied me up and left me in the trunk of a car while you drove across the country** , you abandoned me at my lowest point and that's only what I can remember right now. So if you wanted to _hurt_ me you'd do it. If you wanted to _kill_ me I'd be dead. The old Kai, the Kai you _think_ you are would have killed me long ago. We'd never have gotten here. If this was about anything other than scaring me off you would have aimed that spell at my head and thrown me into the wall, broken my neck, then stepped over my body and gone to bed. _You didn't_. That isn't the man I'm looking at. That isn't who you are, it's who you _were_. Im past it, I've dealt with it and guess what? _Im over it_. I was over it that day at the book store, I'm over it now and I still will be 20 years from now. So no, I'm not leaving. Do what you want; yell, break shit, scream, destroy this damn building, it doesn't matter, you want help? I'll destroy it with you. I'll help you tear this damn place to the ground and we can dance in the flames then fuck in the ashes, just let me know what _you_ want, let me know when you're _through_. I'll wait right here." She sat back on her chair and crossed her legs.

He broke then, he supposed he had to, needed to rebirth himself and make way for this crucial shift in their relationship. He couldn't describe his pain, his _gratitude;_ he felt such an amazing catharsis he was sure he would burst, he had never felt such a range of emotion, it was as frightening as it was beautiful. He could barely speak.

"You..you love me" it wasn't a question.

"I do, Kai"

"You...trust me" he walked forward still not looking at her, she matched his step

"I do, Kai"

"I...I love you so much, Bonnie, I'm sorry, I- I'm so sorry" finally his eyes fell upon her, his voice cracked and he let out a wail as he fell to his knees grabbing for her waist. She stepped forward into his arms to let the side of his face fall against her thighs, she soothingly rubbed his back and ran her fingers through his hair. She kissed the top of his head and let him hug her tightly pressing his face into her warmth as he shook.

Closing her eyes she felt tears of her own.

"I know, Kai"


	5. Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Rating: T

Pairing: Bonnie/ Jeremy, Bonnie/ Elena (friendship)

Song: Send My Love by Adele

Background: Jeremy has been mysteriously absent from the gang for a while, Bonnie didn't even see him when she escaped the prison world, but his sister is awake and so he is out of hiding. Her ex is back around and seems adamant on avoiding her. It's more surprising than hurtful. Bonnie wants to patch things up, but that's easier said than done. What's a witch to do?

* * *

 _Im giving you up_

 _I've forgiven it all_

 _you set me free_

No one had really heard from Jeremy for a while, at least not until Elena woke up. Bonnie saw him at the boarding house when Damon brought her back, but they hadn't seen each other since then. Even at the house they didn't speak, she was sticking close to Caroline. Everyone was on edge, worried Kai had bluffed or the spell didn't take.

* * *

When Elena came through the door she went to Jeremy first, he was her brother after all. She reached for Bonnie and Caroline at the same time and broke into sobs as they embraced. It was honestly a mess with all the girls sobbing and hugging then falling to the floor; Bonnie thought it made a beautiful mess, but a mess all the same. Jeremy left soon after that, which she thought was strange, but he mentioned having to take care of something important. What could be more important than spending time with your sister who had been in a magical coma for the better part of two years? Whatever was going on Elena didn't seem to mind and that was most important.

The girls called Tyler and Matt over after a while and they all enjoyed one another's company for the first time in what felt like forever. They held off on calling the guys in case it had turned out to be a bust, no sense in making it into a celebration if it came out they had no reason to celebrate. It had all worked though. Kai did as he said and Elena was awake. Now everyone was together, it was nice, they'd missed each other so much.

* * *

The celebration was small and quiet, save for the bouts of raquetous laughter that bounded through the house, it went long into the night and following morning. Sometime after four am Elena yawned for the umpteenth time and everyone collectively decided she needed her rest. Elena argued she had enough rest to last her a life time, it was funny, but the decision was unanimous, her friends carried her off to bed anyway. As Bonnie walked side by side with Elena and Caroline three abreast up the stairs she couldn't help but be immensely grateful for this moment. Then she thought of Kai, she was still confused about his motives but she was appreciative all the same. Walking to the bedroom hand in hand proved difficult when they got to the doorway. After an embarrassing number of failed attempts it occurred to the girls to walk through _sideways_. They fell to the bed giggling, but sleep soon came. They laid close to one another and enjoyed the closeness that had eluded them for so long. Bonnie had been locked away in a long past year, Caroline left to her own devices because of personal tragedy and Elena kept in suspended sleep because of a crazed (now-reformed?) warlock. Things had been crazy, but they were going well now. For once Bonnie wasn't worried about what lay in wait, she was just happy to be alive.

Damon came to check on them after a while and found the girls fast asleep. All except for Bonnie who closed her eyes and only pretended when she heard his steps outside the door. Worried he would take Elena off to his room she tried to quietly bury her face into the pillows so as not to show her frown. He didn't move to lift Elena though. Bonnie managed to peak up at him and he was smiling, seemingly pleased to even have her back. Damon pushed a lock of Elena's hair behind her ear then he pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads and left the room, Bonnie was awake for it. Ahe wanted to be shocked, but she knew Damon cared about all of them. He didn't think he'd ever see them together again this way and he was happy for it. She was proud of him for learning to share. Damon wasn't always the best at playing nicely with others, but he'd come a long way. As she began to drift off she snuggled in closer to her friends, thoughts of her strangely behaving ex far from her weary mind.

* * *

It had been a month since Elena woke up and slowly things were moving forward. Bonnie enjoyed spending time with Caroline, with Elena, with the two of them together, she spent time with Damon, with Stefan, even Matt spent time with her (when he wasn't protecting the town from whatever threat) Bonnie even got to see Kai every now and again. In fact, she was spending quality time with everyone _but_ her ex. She supposed they'd have to talk at some point, but he didn't seem all too eager to entertain discussion with her. Still she knew she could choose to play games and not reach out until he did or she could put on her big girl pants and reach out to him first. _Maturity sucks_ she thought as she dialed his number. It had been a while but she assumed it was the same after all this time. Retrieving his number she started at the contact. Before she could talk herself out of it she pressed then little phone icon to dial his number.

 _Ring..._

 _Ring..._

 _Ring..._

It rang three more times then cut to voicemail.

Bonnie felt relived and let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding as she prepared to leave a message.

"Hey Jer, It's me-er it's Bonnie, I haven't seen you around and I was thinking we could grab lunch? I'm free this weekend, maybe Saturday? Let me know..."

 _'that could have been worse'_ she thought to herself. Instead of anxiously waiting for a reply she decided to distract herself and went into town for some errands.

* * *

Night came and he hadn't responded.

Morning came and still nothing.

The weekend came and went and no reply came from his end.

She rationalized his number changed.

She made up her mind to ask Elena about Jeremy's new number at the boarding house the following day. Arriving at noon for their movie mini date Bonnie talked with Damon while Elena searched for her purse. Once the girls had their things they bid Damon adieu and they were out the door.

Instead of mulling it over in her head Bonnie decided to ask soon after they got in the car. She put the car in gear and looked over her shoulder as she spoke "so...I see your brother is around...I tried hitting him up but I think his number changed.."

"That or he's ignoring me" she mumbled quietly.

"Oh"

 _Oh_...of all things Bonnie hadn't been expecting an 'Oh'. Her stomach got tight.

Elena let the silence hang around them a little longer

"He doesn't mean it, he's just...he's not good at confronting things anymore.."

"What's that supposed to mean"

"I haven't been back all that long but...Jeremy _changed_..he's different now. Not bad really just... _different_ , less confrontational, he stayed for the two weeks after I woke up then he went back.."

 _Back_? Bonnie thought, back _where_?

"Went back? Elena, he's _from_ here, where'd he go back to?"

"Um...to his girlfriends...they actually live over in Maryland. I've been out there once, it's nice, they're serious like... _serious_ serious" Elena said wagging her ring finger

Now it was Bonnie's turn "oh"

"...yea"

Bonnie couldn't describe the feeling she felt...she was glad for Jeremy, but also...hurt. He didn't even want to talk to her, had she hurt him that badly? Was she so awful he had to skip town without even saying goodbye?

 _'He didn't even say hello.'_ She thought ruefully _._

Shaking the thoughts from her head Bonnie was determined not to let thoughts of her ex interrupt her day with her best friend so she shrugged it off and turned to the girl in the passenger seat. "So, Im thinking something scary? What do you say? You up for it?...or are you CHICKEN!" Bonnie took advantage of the red light they were stopped at to make shrill noises and flap her arms like a chicken _. "_ Bawk, bawk, ba _-_ gawk!" They were doubled over with laughter until a honk from the car behind signaled the light had changed.

* * *

Bonnie was in a funk, no it was more of a fog than a funk. She kept thinking of Jeremy and what she would tell him if she had the chance so she took an evening to herself and wrote it all out. When she was done she felt better, somehow transcribing it all helped her move past it. She wasn't upset with her ex and understood maybe he was happier now, she hoped so. Maybe someday they could all be friends, she bet his new girlfriend was a good person. As long as they made each other happy that was all that mattered, she linked to think in the time since they were together Jeremy had changed for the better. Elena said he was different now hopefully that meant he was a better boyfriend. Now what to do? Keep the paper? Bury it? _Burn_ it? She supposed she could turn it from a personal writing piece into a letter and _send_ it to him...

Getting up to fetch an envelope and stamp she realized she didn't even have his new address to send it. Maybe that was for the best, she could ask Elena for it, but that would add another unnecessary layer to THIS so she penned her own address in the top corner and wrote in the center "To my old lover and his new love" she posted a stamp at the top and sealed it shut. Holding the letter thoughtfully she wondered how to send it off. Finally she decided a blaze of glory was a fitting option. She focused her mind on the letter and flames caught at each corner burning slowly towards the center as it levitated in the center of the room. Eventually it would burn out, leaving only smoke and ash behind, even so Bonnie liked to think he'd somehow gotten her message.

* * *

 _Send my love to your new lover_

 _treat her better_

 _we've gotta let go of all of our ghosts_

 _we both know we ain't kids no more_


End file.
